January 9, 2009

  • Happy New Year A Little Late

    Nothing very new here.

    I am still seeing the Doctor and that seems to be moving at a snails pace which is just fine with me! We are still circling around the whole sex thing – but hey… what’s the hurry right? He could be good for me and I think I could in return be good for him. Only time will tell. I can tell you this… I get butterflies in my tummy when he is around or when I see a text come in from him. :)

    Sent him a poem last night – first one I have wrote for another man since J.
    You should see the moon shine full and bright
    On velvet black speckled with diamonds bright
    Its glow surrounds me on this cold winter night
    Warming my soul with its shimmering light

    and then I said “i was outside and got inspired – you get to be the beneficiary.”

    He responded, “I like that… I’ll have to step outside to view your source of inspiration. Looking forward to Sunday!” He is coming over Sunday evening for dinner, wine and to watch a DVD – ok and a little kissing too. Should be awesome!

    My mom sent me this:




December 9, 2008

  • Well nothing new in my life.

    I have been dating a guy that really is more a friend than anything else. Just not feeling “IT” ya know what I mean? “It” still clings to me like velcro but even though I know “it” should be easy to peel off and dispose of forever… I just can’t do it. The source of “it” called me a few times yesterday and naturally needed something from me in the form of graphic design. “Fine,” i told him, “but I am charging you.” He thought that only fair. I laughed when he said that. He has no idea what fair is.

    Last night when “it” called me again I was worn down. I could hear the voice in my head screaming “Do you miss me, do you think of me and get sad, do you wish you were still here…?” But of coarse none of that fell out of my mouth. Listening to him and keeping him on the phone, which is not hard, was my goal. Just for the record… I never call him. he calls me when, I am assuming, his curiosity gets the best of him and he always wants to know if I am ok, hows life, the new job, what are the kids up to…?

    Its not healthy for either of us. He made this choice and we are both forced to live with it. What I want to do is reach through the phone and yank him through it. To surrender to the pain he has caused and make him watch me fall apart, but it has been months now and in my quest to put him behind me i am trying to date. Am i ready? I think I already answered that, but I am hopeful.

    My pediatrician asked me out. The story that goes along with this is kinda cute cause for sure I instigated the asking out. A few weeks ago, a week after halloween to be exact, Maddi had a dr’s appt. For the first time i noticed the doctor was not wearing a wedding ring anymore, hmmm…. he is cute, fit and well a doctor! So I began to wonder if he was now single. He answered that for me.

    “So Maddi, what were you for halloween?” he asked while listening to her heart.

    “i was Sleeping Beauty and i got lots and lots of candy and mommy won’t let me much of it.” She looked at me and grinned.

    Then the doctor looked at me but asked my daughter, “And what did mommy dress up as?” maddi just giggled and I wondered what was going through his head. maddi told him that I did not dress up and neither did daddy. The doctor looked back at me and said “now i think i am in trouble with mommy.”

    So we get done with the exam and he tells me Maddi needs a couple tests (we were there cause she wasn’t feeling good). She needed to leave a urine sample and would not do it. So I told the nurse we would come back the next day – is my evil plan unfolding?

    Next day we come back and Maddi performs. The doctor stopped and said hi quickly – I wanted more but hell, he had to to work. Damn sick kids. lol.

    The next morning Maddi woke up with a rash! A really weird rash on her shoulder, tummy and side. At first I thought chicken pox – but she had that (even with the immunization). Then I thought allergic reaction to the antibiotic but it did not look right for that either (She is allergic to a lot of meds so i know the rash). So naturally the next step is to call and go see the DOCTOR!! As soon as I made the appointment my ex called – told him I was taking Maddi to the doctor and he announces “I’ll meet you there!” Crap. Fuck it, I decide to flirt anyhow.

    So there we all are in this little exam room. The doctor looks at the ex and at me and raises and eyebrow. The ex makes it a point, for some unknown reason, to point out that he does not even live here in town. I say a silent thank you prayer. So immediately the doctor turns on the charm and starts flirting with me again and we get into a conversation about Cooties!!! Seriously!

    He tells me that only girls are carriers of cooties and he can back it up with a medical book. I tell him he is going to have to prove that. He looks at Maddi’s chart and asks if the number posted is mine (ha). I say “how about i give you my business card?” “Perfect,” he says. The ex is rolling his eyes at me at this point and i give him a  shut-the-fuck-up look.

    So a few days go by and no call. I decide to put my graphic design skills to work and create a cootie card. on the front are illustrated bugs in fun colors and in the middle is says “COOTIES” really big. At the bottom it says “Only boys have them.” On the inside is a starbucks card and I ask him out and to bring the medical book. I forget what else it said except for my phone number of course. BTW the card was made at sendoutcards.com my acct is 52512 go make a card.


    The card works! He calls and we start really talking. He called at least 4 times before he asked me out. We met for a glass of wine last Wednesday and it was a really nice evening. I even let him kiss me good night. Of course we had to test and see if Cooties really do exist. If they do they are worth it!! will he call again?

    A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.  He marched straight up to the counter and said, ‘Hi.  You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.’

    The social worker behind the counter said, ”Your timing is excellent. 
    We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter
    You’ll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.  Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.  You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. 
    This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20′s and has a Rather strong sex drive. 
    A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. 
    Located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the Salary is $200,000 a year.’ 
    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ‘You’re bullshitting’ me! ‘ 
    The social worker said, ”Yeah, well . . You started it. 

November 21, 2008

  • Default “The Memory Will Never Die”

    I whisper in your ear
    The words you want to hear
    You feel the wind and it reminds you
    It happens every time
    You stop and close your eyes
    You can’t deny what lives inside you
    Well I know it’s hard to see
    What is meant to be
    When yesterday is so far behind you

    Deep inside your soul
    knows I’m always there

    You made me believe the day
    you surrender to me
    The memory will never die
    The love that you gave
    I’ll never throw it away
    The memory will never die

    The tides take a turn
    Another lesson learned
    I’m right here but still you wonder
    Would you say that you need more
    And it’s not what it was before
    It was before your on your
    [ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/aTk ]
    own and going under

    Deep inside your soul
    knows I’m always there

    You made me believe the day
    you surrender to me
    The memory will never die
    The love that you gave
    I’ll never throw it away
    The memory will never die

    Whenever you wake up
    Whenever you gave up
    All that you had for nothing at all
    The bed that you lay in
    Remember you made it
    And nobody’s there to catch
    you when you fall

    You made me believe the day
    you surrender to me
    The memory will never die
    The love that you gave
    I’ll never throw it away
    The memory will never die

    You made me believe the day
    you surrender to me
    The memory will never die
    The love that you gave
    I’ll never throw it away
    The memory will never die

November 17, 2008

  • LibertyCalendars.com

    All is well with me – just working hard – now in an office – doing graphic design work full time. And then some…

    Please follow the link and purchase a calendar that features me and several other xanga and non xanga girls modeling on a 1940′s jeep. it was awesome fun and even more fun to take the awesome pictures Andy took and turn them into a calendar!! I am proud of how well our combined efforts turned out.

    Go buy one – it may be a collectors item someday and will def fun more for next year? Possibly!


    Have a great day!

October 9, 2008

  • Bitchology – I did not write this but it’s great!

    When I stand up for
    myself and my beliefs,
    they call me a


    When I stand up for
    those I love,
    they call me a


    When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
    or do things my own way, they call me a


    Being a bitch
    means I won’t compromise what’s
    in my heart.

    It means I live my lifeMY way.
    It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me.

    When I refuse to tolerate injustice and
    speak against it, I am defined as a


    The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone’s maid, or when I act a little selfish.

    means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly
    am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I ‘should’ be.

    I am outspoken,
    opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

    So try to stomp on me,
    try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
    You won’t succeed.

    And if that makes me a bitch , so be it.
    I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

    B – Babe
    I – In
    T – Total
    C – Control of
    H – Herself

    B = Beautiful
    I = Intelligent
    T = Talented
    C = Charming
    H = Hell of a Woman

    B = Bold
    I = Individual
    T = That
    C = Can
    H = Handle anything

    ‘If you can’t do something right, get a woman to do it.’

September 27, 2008

  • Works for ME!

    Problem solved!

    I’m against the $85,000,000, 000.00 bailout of AIG.  Instead, I’m in
    favor of giving $85,000,000, 000 to America in a We Deserve It

    To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide
    U.S. Citizens 18+.

    Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and
    child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

    So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals

    My plan is to give $425,0 00 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It

    Of course, it would NOT be tax free.  So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.
    Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.  That sends
    $25,500,000, 000 right back to Uncle Sam.

    But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

    A husband and wife has $595,000 .00.

    What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?  Pay
    off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.

    Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads

    Put away money for college – it’ll be there.  Save in a bank – create
    money to loan to entrepreneurs.

    Buy a new car – create jobs.  Invest in the market – capital drives

    Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves.

    Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else.

    Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who
    lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is
    cutting back.  And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.  If
    we’re going to re-distribute wealth le t’s really do it…instead of
    trickling out a puny $1000.00 (“vote buy”) economic incentive that is
    being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

    If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult
    U S Citizen 18+!

    As for AIG – liquidate it.  Sell off its parts.  Let American General go
    back to being American General.  Sell off the real estate.  Let the
    private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.  Here’s my
    rationale.  We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.  Sure it’s a crazy idea that
    can “never work.”  But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
    How do you spell Economic Boom?

    I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion.

    We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washingt
    on DC.

    And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because
    $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

    Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

    Kindest personal regards,
    A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic…….

    (I did not Write This)

September 26, 2008

September 21, 2008

  • The Post Turtle

    This is the best explanation I’ve heard yet.  Enjoy!!

    suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand
    was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a
    conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama
    and his bid to be our President.

    The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘post turtle’.’
    being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’
    was. The old rancher said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and
    you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a
    ‘post turtle’.’

    old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to
    explain. ‘You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong
    up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just
    wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there to begin with.’

    Couldn’t resist posting this…

September 15, 2008

  • He Never Loved Me

    For those of you that have followed the love story of J and myself I have some bad news. It’s over. After an awesome and loving weekend together we had a serious conversation and it turns out he never loved me. Or at least was never “in love” with me. I really do not want to go into details because they do not matter. The love of my life never loved me. I am shell shocked, devastated, confused… How could he never have loved me after all we have experienced together? Everyone said we looked in love.

    Now, thankfully, I am busy with work and kids.

    How do I fall out of love?

    Is this really happening????

September 10, 2008

  • Take a Deep Breath and Breathe

    That is what I tell myself several times a day and things are getting better. I am now able to focus on work and in fact billed out a rather large amount yesterday. I was also offered a part time position doing some HTML programming for an internet company here in KC. I make more doing graphic work them for as a free lance artist but ya know what… I am going to take it anyhow to get me OUT OF THE HOUSE. Just 20 hours a week (or more – I can make my own schedule with this company). It is a temporary position unless I can really motivate myself and get shit done – which of course I can! :)

    On the J front… He seems to think this new living arrangement is great. He spent the night Monday and I have to admit the chemistry and fireworks were awesome after not being with each other physically for a while. But still I cried myself to sleep holding him because I want the security of him with me every night. He started to tell me that he really misses me but I would not let him – this is his doing after all. I want him to miss me and beg to come back. Do I think that will happen? Yes, but not anytime soon. I have been wrong before…

    Maddi asked J the other night “Why do you not want to stay here with my mommy anymore? You should be sleeping by her every night!” I just laughed and agreed with her.

    Hope you are all doing well. Here is a pic of me and all my babies last Friday night at a football game. We had such a good time and it had been awhile since all my kids were together.

    Clockwise: Ashley, Me, Sammi, CJ, Maddi.