December 9, 2008

• Well nothing new in my life.
  
  I have been dating a guy that really is more a friend than anything else. Just not feeling "IT" ya know what I mean? "It" still clings to me like velcro but even though I know "it" should be easy to peel off and dispose of forever... I just can't do it. The source of "it" called me a few times yesterday and naturally needed something from me in the form of graphic design. "Fine," i told him, "but I am charging you." He thought that only fair. I laughed when he said that. He has no idea what fair is.
  
  Last night when "it" called me again I was worn down. I could hear the voice in my head screaming "Do you miss me, do you think of me and get sad, do you wish you were still here...?" But of coarse none of that fell out of my mouth. Listening to him and keeping him on the phone, which is not hard, was my goal. Just for the record... I never call him. he calls me when, I am assuming, his curiosity gets the best of him and he always wants to know if I am ok, hows life, the new job, what are the kids up to...?
  
  Its not healthy for either of us. He made this choice and we are both forced to live with it. What I want to do is reach through the phone and yank him through it. To surrender to the pain he has caused and make him watch me fall apart, but it has been months now and in my quest to put him behind me i am trying to date. Am i ready? I think I already answered that, but I am hopeful.
  
  My pediatrician asked me out. The story that goes along with this is kinda cute cause for sure I instigated the asking out. A few weeks ago, a week after halloween to be exact, Maddi had a dr's appt. For the first time i noticed the doctor was not wearing a wedding ring anymore, hmmm.... he is cute, fit and well a doctor! So I began to wonder if he was now single. He answered that for me.
  
  "So Maddi, what were you for halloween?" he asked while listening to her heart.
  
  "i was Sleeping Beauty and i got lots and lots of candy and mommy won't let me much of it." She looked at me and grinned.
  
  Then the doctor looked at me but asked my daughter, "And what did mommy dress up as?" maddi just giggled and I wondered what was going through his head. maddi told him that I did not dress up and neither did daddy. The doctor looked back at me and said "now i think i am in trouble with mommy."
  
  So we get done with the exam and he tells me Maddi needs a couple tests (we were there cause she wasn't feeling good). She needed to leave a urine sample and would not do it. So I told the nurse we would come back the next day - is my evil plan unfolding?
  
  Next day we come back and Maddi performs. The doctor stopped and said hi quickly - I wanted more but hell, he had to to work. Damn sick kids. lol.
  
  The next morning Maddi woke up with a rash! A really weird rash on her shoulder, tummy and side. At first I thought chicken pox - but she had that (even with the immunization). Then I thought allergic reaction to the antibiotic but it did not look right for that either (She is allergic to a lot of meds so i know the rash). So naturally the next step is to call and go see the DOCTOR!! As soon as I made the appointment my ex called - told him I was taking Maddi to the doctor and he announces "I'll meet you there!" Crap. Fuck it, I decide to flirt anyhow.
  
  So there we all are in this little exam room. The doctor looks at the ex and at me and raises and eyebrow. The ex makes it a point, for some unknown reason, to point out that he does not even live here in town. I say a silent thank you prayer. So immediately the doctor turns on the charm and starts flirting with me again and we get into a conversation about Cooties!!! Seriously!
  
  He tells me that only girls are carriers of cooties and he can back it up with a medical book. I tell him he is going to have to prove that. He looks at Maddi's chart and asks if the number posted is mine (ha). I say "how about i give you my business card?" "Perfect," he says. The ex is rolling his eyes at me at this point and i give him a  shut-the-fuck-up look.
  
  So a few days go by and no call. I decide to put my graphic design skills to work and create a cootie card. on the front are illustrated bugs in fun colors and in the middle is says "COOTIES" really big. At the bottom it says "Only boys have them." On the inside is a starbucks card and I ask him out and to bring the medical book. I forget what else it said except for my phone number of course. BTW the card was made at sendoutcards.com my acct is 52512 go make a card.
  
  anyhow...
  
  The card works! He calls and we start really talking. He called at least 4 times before he asked me out. We met for a glass of wine last Wednesday and it was a really nice evening. I even let him kiss me good night. Of course we had to test and see if Cooties really do exist. If they do they are worth it!! will he call again?
  
  -----------------------------------------------
  A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.  He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi.  You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'
  
  The social worker behind the counter said, ''Your timing is excellent. 
   
  We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. 
    
  You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.  Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.  You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. 
    
  This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a Rather strong sex drive. 
    
  A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. 
    
  Located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the Salary is $200,000 a year.' 
    
  The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshitting' me! ' 
    
  The social worker said, ''Yeah, well . . You started it. 
  

  • 11:02 am
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