EDIT:
J
and I had a very long talk last night about trust and truthfulness. He really
did feel horrible about what he did, but he thought it would be a good idea to
get it fixed before telling me it had happened – hoping I would not notice my
car. He found it amusing that I had not noticed. I went off. My way of going
off is not yelling and screaming either – not that kind of girl. I made him
give me a good listening to regardling my feelings and every emotion I went
through when I discovered the dent. He realized it was not the car I was mad
about but his inability to communicate the fact that it happened.
He felt bad when he realized the pain he caused me.
I could see it in his face
He did not try to shut me up
He listened
We
still have some things to talk about but for once I felt like I was getting
through to him by beating the proverbial bat over his head via words. He
totally understands – to the best of his ability – how important it is for him
to tell me everything that will affect my day. He honestly never thought of it
before. Not because he is insensitive, but because he has never thought of
doing it. His marriage ended because of this kind of shit and I told him if he
wants us to make it that we both have to communicate everything anf break old
habits. I am not the best communicator either but I am trying because I love
him.
He
wants us to make it. So… we see how it goes from here. Am I still mad? No. I
never stay mad long. But I will be constantly in his face about these issues
until it becomes habit for him. If I am as important to him as he says then he
will stop this childish behavior and help us move forward.
We did not get to sleep until after 2am – I am exhausted…
This SUCKS!
For those that can not see the
video and this is an update to it as well….
The pictures should speak for
themselves. My car was wrecked. By my boyfriend J who neglected to tell me
about it. Ever since he brought it home Tuesday he has been throwing up off and
on. When I finally confronted him about the dent tonight I asked him if he was
ok that I had been worried he was in a wreck and had hurt himself. When he told
me what happened then I was just mad. Figured his nerves are what had him
throwing up.
Here is what happened: He was changing my brakes Monday and in the process his
“helper mechanic” was moving my car and drove it into the freaking
support beam of the barn as it had no brakes at that moment. The barn is still
standing but my car has a big owie. 
When I asked J why he had not told me he said what I predicted “I was
trying to get if repaired.” What he left off the end of that sentence was
“before you noticed.” When I added that he told me he had every
intention of telling me (ahem) he just hadn’t yet and couldn’t believe I had
not noticed it yet. Err…. did not know it was my responsibility to know my
car was wrecked. What you don’t know can’t hurt you but when I found out I was
really angry, then scared. I had no clue what was up with him.
He also told me I was being dramatic and that it is just a car. I could give a
fuck about the car and told him so.. The point was he had lied by ommission and
that really hurt my feelings. He understood and apologized. He also told me he
had planned on telling me and had even taken pictures. All I can say to that is
hmmmm… He isn’t a liar, but he does not always give me the whole story
either.
The parts will be in Monday – total cost to J $3000. Seems like a good start to
his punishment. Some ball crunching may also be in order.
We will be finishing this conversation when he gets home later.
