Today marks a mile stone in my relationship with J. Although a lot of you don’t recognize dating anniversaries – I do. It is important to me. A day to reflect back over the last 2 years and to all those years before when we actually met. We are not buying each other anything – in fact we have not talked about today at all except I asked him to be home early tonight as I have something to show him. Hee hee. I did make him a couple cd’s with some music I like as well as a video of some pictures and video clips from a special day in our lives. Chances are today is just another day to him and I have come to realize, and you guys helped a little, that is just the way he is, but i remembered and I have plans for him…

Today I thought I would share with you the first time I kissed J – chances are I have posted it before but what the hell. I am feeling all romantic today!

Saturday night Feb 12, 2006

I was sitting in Ann’s kitchen when
J called.  I had broke down and
sent him a text message earlier that afternoon but not my phone number.  He called Ann’s cell phone and wanted to
confirm he would be at her party later on that evening.  He called because of the text message I sent.
Ann threw the phone at me and made me talk to him.  Hearing his voice after all these years… what
can I say, it really affected me.  I felt myself transported back in time – his voice
was like a silky caress to my senses. I felt stupid on my end of the phone
- my hand was shaking. My heart pounded so hard and loud I just knew he could
hear it through the phone.  I have no
idea what we talked about.  I thought I
might cry – stupid girl reaction.

When he arrived I was sitting at Ann’s
kitchen counter on a bar stool.  He
walked towards me and seemed shy, but I doubted he really was.  I could barely speak and only answered direct
questions.  He took my breath
away…again.  His hair was different,
shorter, but those blue eyes drew me in. 
Feelings from 6 years before came rushing back.  It scared me. 
It was almost too much.  I told my
self I was being stupid and calmed down and enjoyed not only his company but
those of other friends at her party.  It
was so much fun!

I
watched him out of the corner of my eye as he talked to various people. 
We were literally dancing around each other and it made me sweat from time to time.
When he would glance sideways at me there was nothing shy in his eyes.  We
were VERY aware of each others presence but, for me, it was enough to have him
in the same room.  Occasionally he would wonder back over and talk to me
and then one of us would get involved in a conversation with someone
else.  This was all very intentional on my part.  I was afraid if he
knew exactly now shaken up I was that he would bolt. One on one was something
that needed to wait until I could slow my heart down. Yeah right… Like that
ever happened!

At around 11:00 PM J and I left
the core of the party after he invited me to sit down.  We went into Ann’s Chinese inspired living
room and sat on the sofa.  The walls are
painted a rich red which made the glow from the lamp very soft.  We sat close enough to brush each other but
not quite touching.  The air crackled
around us both or at least I hoped it was not my imagination.  Just
looking at him while he talked to me had me absolutely fascinated.  I felt
my mouth dry up.  His eyes… they looked directly into mine…

We talked about a lot of things and got
to know each other again.  At one point
while I was telling some story I laid my head against the back of the sofa, my
body was turned towards his with one of my legs drawn up. My eyes were staring
directly into his beautiful blue eyes. 
He was sitting in a similar position. 
He started to rub my foot and at the instant his fingers met my toes I
was shocked all the way through my body. 
Exactly the same feeling I had had years ago when he hugged me or
lightly touched me innocently.  I forgot
what I was saying. He laughed at my look of confusion.

I rested my head against the couch and
closed my eyes enjoying the caresses that now included my calf.

“Don’t look at me like that.”  He seemed to say in all seriousness.

My eyes snapped open. “My eyes were
closed.” I looked at him in confusion.

He grinned mischievously “Look at me
that way again.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head
back once more, ”Why?” I asked

“Because when you look at me like that
you can not see me moving in to kiss you.” 
He began caressing my face.  No
one had ever touched me with such tenderness. 
I felt him shift his body and then I experienced the most amazing
sensation I had ever felt.  He kissed
me.  Softly, gently, with his hands
lightly touching my face.  I melted.  My world got fuzzy.  He pulled back and we looked at each other.  “More” I said.  This time when our lips met I felt fire run
through my body.  Goosebumps broke out on
my skin.  His tongue touched mine and the
kiss deepened.

When we pulled away from each other I
told him “We waited 6 years for this kiss. 
Was it everything you expected?”

His grin was answer enough “Please do
not make me wait until another six years 
for the next one.”  We both
laughed and I knew at that moment we were connecting.

Happy 2 year anniversary J. I hope you like my surprises later. I love you.

Ya know… Sometimes even when things are going right they just feel wrong. I think I am a giving person. I do not think I am a selfish person. But like the rest of you – I have my moments. Moments when I want the world to revolve around me if only for a short period. A moment where I am the princess and my knight rides up and sweeps me off my feet and out of the dangerous hands of my captors, who planned on raping me, and takes me off to his castle for some hot gratitude fucking. A moment where he looks at me and tells me I am the most beautiful creature alive to him as he is pulling my hair and exposing my neck to his moist and hungry mouth. That mouth travels down onto the silky softness of my chest. My breasts heaving and about ready to pop out of the silk gown I am wearing – being only held in place by the hot pink corset I am wearing underneath that I purchased at victorias secret (Ok… I know there was no victorias secret in that time so perhaps it was a corset made by a person named Victoria in secret – that fit better?).

Anyhow… you get the idea. I want romance on an idiotic level. As we get closer to J and mine’s 2 year dating anniversary on the 12th and Valentines day on the 14th and our planned escape from reality trip on the 15th I am wondering: Will he come through for me or should I plan something romantic myself? I am thinking that he has forgotten what the 12th is as I asked him this morning what he has planned for that night. “Basketball practice with my daughter. Why?” Was the response.

I had options at that moment and here’s what crossed my mind:

1. Remind him what the 12th is (moron)
2. Play girl games and tell him to think about it
3. Dump a cold cup of water on him (he was in the shower)
4. Or drop a not-so-subtle hint so he slaps himself in the forehead and I don’t have too!

My choice – I told him “Fine go to basketball practice but I have something I need to show you afterwards.”

“What? Is it something pink?” the pervert. “Is it something silky, purple, red…” Obviously I do need to go to Victorias Secret this weekend…

“No,” I yelled over the running water of his shower, “It is something silver.”

“Ok…. Well I will be home after the practice.”

It is a video I made – one that some of you have seen on Vimeo but he never has. I was saving it for that day. I plan on having candles lit, Enya playing in the background, something silky and pink on me, and a special dvd with a short but important message playing for him. Then I want him to attack me leaving the pink silky stuff on me. Guess I need crotchless pink panties huh? Perhaps Fredericks of Hollywood is where I need to shop…

So then what do I do for Valentines day? Leave it up to him?

Ideas?

Ya know what I hate more than anything? Waiting on other people. Especially people you should be able to depend on to be there… always. Waiting sucks. Do you think the people that make us wait are even aware they are irritating? Do you think they know it sometimes hurts our feelings. Do they hate to wait? Perhaps their agendas are more important and making a phone call or sending a text is just incomprehensible, a nuisance. So we wait… cell phone close at hand or periodically running to the computer to check email. But it’s all for naught until a miracle happens. The phone rings and it is the correct ring tone. The one that makes all the difference in the world.

Until then we just wait. People like that know we are dependable that way – that we love deeply enough to make sure we are there…waiting until we aren’t waiting anymore. Or can’t.

I’m not sure it’s possible to stop waiting for something that never happens though. Something like waiting for someone to come home or not; waiting for the offer to be accepted or declined; waiting to hear a voice and then only dreaming about it; waiting to feel safe and feeling insecure; waiting for peace and finding none; waiting for a loan and being rejected; waiting for court papers to be served and then waiting for the reaction; waiting for the coffee to brew and finding the pot unplugged…

Waiting for morning, knowing the night will be long and possibly lonely. Worried cause of the snow. Praying the plow gets him home safely.

Waiting = patience. Patience is something we only have when we care about something enough to do the waiting for it. So since I care, since I love, I wait. In the end, when the waiting is over, what’s in front of me will remain the same.

And sometimes that thought is to much for me to handle but the decision has been made to ride it out and wait.

…Is such a frigging game!!! We decided not to make an offer on the house I liked because, as Rhonda predicted, J liked the larger, fixer upper with a 2 car garage better. It is the one I originally liked but was not sure he would want to tackle redoing so much. But he saw the same potential I did. So we made an offer. They countered. Now we are going to make another offer today. Probably we won’t get that either, but who knows. Ball is in J’s court as he is buying it. I am just a renter until my house sells and we can refinance together.

Sooo.. now we play the game. Perhaps we will get lucky!!

We have to be out of here or sign a new lease by Feb 29th.

Thursday and I got Nuttin.

Looked at some houses today and found one I really like. Perhaps J will buy it for me. He sent me out lookin’ so we’ll see. If we make an offer I’ll post some pictures. Great house that has been completely remodeled right down to the marble counter tops in the kitchen. It really is nice. We are looking at houses we would have bought in our 20′s which is kinda strange but we are starting over, from scratch almost, after two nasty divorces. I could be comfy in this particular house or even another one I like that would have to be gutted, painted, wood floors redone, carpet burned, fumigated too I am sure, but it has “great bones” as my realtor and friend Rhonda pointed out. It is large and could really be turned into something awesome to flip or keep. So who knows what we will end up doing.

Guess we better decide fast – the nicer of the two will sell fast!

Strip Jam 2007

One night back in December, I believe it was the night after Christmas, J asked me what I would like to do. No kids
in sight so the sky was the limit. I had no freaking idea! Ok maybe a few…

So he says “wanna play strip guitar hero – have a Strip
Jam?” Where do these ideas come from? Doesn’t that idea rock – literally and
figuratively? My response was “Hell Yeah!”

So we proceeded to set up the Playstation in our room
and hooked up the Guitar Hero III game. We have 2 guitars so that made it
really fun as we wanted to compete at the same time in a face-off. I had
several layers on and socks – so did J. We wanted this to last awhile.

We picked our characters. We chose our guitars. We
picked the skill level (easy – we suck) and then started rocking to some great
Heavy Metal songs!!

I lost the first battle and off went a sock. He lost the
second and removed the same article of clothing. In between songs we made fresh
drinks – actually about every 3^rd song. The decision had been made
to drink and strum. Is this safe? It sure made focusing interesting as the game
went on. Obviously my ability to keep up with him, being of a much smaller
size, got me buzzed faster. Oh well – it made it sooo much more interesting.

We played for a couple hours before I was finally
naked. Was there actually a loser? No way – he jumped on me fast as that last
piece of clothing slipped to the floor! Held me down and told me he was going
crazy to touch me watching me play naked. He strummed me like a finely tuned
instrument. And man did I respond!! Ha!!!

I demand a second chance.

And probably a whole lot more after that!

A new game has been created – sorry no pics!

Between my old Site, ChristyattheLake and this site… what is your favorite blog of all time? Please note the dates. There is a reason I am asking that I can not disclose at this time. Could be fun rereading some oldies but goodies.

I think I liked the one on Orgasms best on my old site… Can ya find it?

Thanks!

It happened today.

Apparently this woman does. I for some reason feel stressed, sad, angry time goes by so fast, not attractive (brushing my hair might help), ad rather desperate for… I have no idea… Lost time perhaps?

Whatever the case may be it is strange hitting a mile stone I remember my mother hitting like it was yesterday. I never imagined turning 40 before. Everyone tells me I look 10 years younger – and I think that may be true (thanks mom for that gene) but it does not change how I feel.

My best friend felt messed up on her 40th too and I told her to quit focusing on the age factor – it’s just another day. I have to apologoze now cause I think I am over reacting even more. For a woman 40 is the start of everything changing. Most of it bad. Wrinkles, cellulite, beauty fading, body parts falling, men looking at younger more attractive women. Ugh. Men turn 40 and hit their prime.

Well I am going to give it my best to fight all of the above. Tomorrow will be a better day.

My mommy sent me this stuff:

To Pet
owners, or former Pet owner friends

To be
posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor
do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn’t help because I
fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very
sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. 
If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door
I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years –canine or feline attendance
is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About
Our Pets:
1. They live here.  You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That’s why they call it “fur” niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

Remember:
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don’t ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train 
4. Normally come when called
5.
Never ask to drive the car (most anyhow ->>>)
6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes
10. Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and…
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!

 (Disclaimer: I did not write this but isn’t it cute!)